Posted by: Judy | August 3, 2012

Chapter 15 review…

Fear and Faith: yes, I’m living with a lot of that right now. There have been a few hiccups, like my promotional packet not showing up. Is it personal? Nope. Life happens.

More than anything, I’m besieged with doubts about my ability. I’m working on book 2 of my contemporary series, and it’s coming along much more slowly than I’d hoped.

My writing group has a facebook page where everyone can post the number of words written that day and other goals and updates. It’s meant to encourage, but I’m feeling decidedly discouraged.

In my head, I know that when something huge is coming the trolls in my head invade in hordes. I know this. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. The fear has become so overwhelming at times I find myself in tears, wondering who I think I am to believe I could do this.

I’m not a JRR Tolkien or CS Lewis or JK Rowling. I’m not a Charles Dickens or Jane Austen. And yet, I can’t imagine doing anything else than what I’m doing. I read some of the books out there, and think how amateurish they are, and I know I write better, but I fear someone else will say the same of me. I’m amateurish and all right, but not exceptional. Mediocre. Not even second best.

And welcome to my post of total insecurity.

In spite of all my worries and fretting, I have the current WIP open on my desk top, and as soon as I finish this, I’ll be back working on it.

Fear and Faith, residing side by side.


Responses

  1. Hugs, must be something in the water. 🙂 Looking forward to walking tomorrow. Maybe week can talk some sense into those characters.

    • I actually clued myself in the post without realizing it. Chatted with a friend, last night, and the lightbulb clicked on. I needed to slow it down. I promptly added another 1,000 words, and I’m back at it this morning. Whoohoo!

  2. Judy, you’re being too hard on yourself. It is true that there are writers that are amazing but in my opinion your writing is a lot better than some of the stuff that gets published. I really like the rhythm of your sentences, that you’re not rushing the reader along. So I have to disagree on this one, your writing is not mediocre, but very good indeed! 🙂

    • Thank you ((Kara))

  3. “fear and faith, residing side by side”

    that’s as real as it gets … I read somewhere once that faith means letting go of fear, but the truth, (to me, at least), is that they often reside in the same space … faith is demonstrated by having the ability to keep moving forward anyway … just keep moving forward.

    • I heard the same thing, and found it very discouraging, since I seem to spend so much of my life living in fear, but I’m not stuck in one place…or maybe I chose my one place — home — so I feel freer moving about in other aspects of my life…never thought of it that way before. Definitely moving forward. 🙂

  4. It’s funny (or not so), but the person who came into my band group with the biggest personality and outward enthusiasm quit in the middle of band practice today. None of the rest of us really understand what happened with her and wondered how we could have handled her about-face differently.

    What I’m left with at the end of today, after the remaining 4 of us pulled together, is that sometimes we don’t know what’s really happening with people inside. We’re all struggling with insecurities and perhaps some with more outward signs of confidence are not as resilient as we think.

    I’m not sure what the heck I’m trying to say here, lol. I guess of all the band members I thought might have a meltdown, I thought I was at the top of the list. I’ve been running around freaked out for the last few weeks, and I’m doing better than I thought as the event approaches.

    I think you’ll rally too. 🙂 (of course I shouldn’t count my chickens since the show is tomorrow)

    • I think this falls into the realm of being more talk and less action. A lot of times, it’s the quiet one who hangs on tenaciously.

      You are doing this. Even if the group royally flops, you did something others have not done. You participated all the way to the end.

      Break a leg. 🙂


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