Posted by: Judy | June 26, 2012

Temper tantum…

Yep. I had one. Hate when that happens. However, I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I am going to take a close look and dissect it to help me better understand what happened and what I need to change to reduce the stress I’m obviously feeling.

I originally thought in terms of my old way of viewing my problems: I needed to figure out how to make sure it never happened again.

Brilliant. Not.

Instead, I’m finally able to recognize the old way is how I set myself up to fail. How often was I asked, “What can we do to make sure you never make that mistake again? Never forget again? Never fill-in-the-blank-with-the-undesirable-behavior again.”

Giving notice: Expecting perfection is no longer an acceptable choice.

Working my way backward. I’ve tried thinking it through forward, and it simply isn’t working. I don’t know where it all started. Well, I know, but I want to work out this little piece of the puzzle not the whole picture.

What happened? It’s really silly. Plumbing. I’m learning the stuff that triggers my nasty rages are usually stupid, little things. Good to know. Side note: My rages don’t happen very often any more. I need a perfect storm. LOL!

Anyway, back to analyzing. It’s eleven o’clock at night. I wanted to go to bed early. After fifteen minutes with the plunger, I’m making no progress. Engineering note: The old plumbing is designed to handle higher water usage. All these handy-dandy water-saving devices were not part of the original civil engineering design. Plumbing is more likely to back up because there isn’t enough water moving things along. I know this. I can’t do anything about this. I have to fight with the plumbing probably at least once a week, sometimes more. Whatever. Part of life. There ya go.

After fifteen minutes, I’m feeling it in my back. Talk about not a happy camper. After a half hour I’m feeling it in my back, arms, and hands. And I explode. It’s late at night. I’m tired and wanting to go to bed, but this cannot be left for later.

I’m silently screaming at God and calling Him names. Yes, I do that.

I happen to believe God is big enough to take the punch, smart enough to know what’s behind the tirade, interested enough to hear me out to the end, strong enough to shoulder it all, and patient enough to wait me out. I also always figured that God would rather have me ranting and raving at Him than have me turn my back on Him. It’s easier to get my attention if we’re facing each other. I really am a little deaf with my back turned. Besides, if God is all knowing and all powerful and all everything, what’s the point of me trying to hide anything? He knows. I might as well be honest and up front with Him to start with; it saves a lot of trouble for both of us.

Forty-five minutes and finally the water is running again.

Was it really about the plumbing?

Nope.

What a surprise. Not.

Sorry, but I’m doing this in parts, it seems. More tomorrow.


Responses

  1. Poor abused plumbing. No fault. Trying to do its best. Dying of thirst. Poor poor plumbing. We have now had a pity party for the plumbing. Does that feel better?

    • I don’t know if the plumbing feels better, but I do. πŸ˜€ Thanks ((Ruth))

      • Good πŸ˜‰

  2. Every now and again, I feel my teeth getting sharper, and my anger rising, and my pulse starts pounding … when one of those temper tantrums comes along, it always sort of embarrasses me, and yet, it gives me some relief.
    I suppose the trick is recognizing it before it has a chance to explode, so that we can figure out a better way to relieve the frustration, or tension, or anger.

    I don’t know about you, but half the time it seems that simply having the thought, “I’m tired and want to go to bed early” is a bit like daring the karma minions to launch into full-swing, because sure enough, *wham* , it is NOT to be. Just recently, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, and sort of at the end point of my tolerance, and remember thinking to myself, “I really can’t deal with even ONE more thing.” Huge mistake. Suddenly, this big snowball came rolling down the hill, gathering momentum, and I had to very quickly shift and adjust, and sure enough, guess what? Not only did I have to prove I could handle MUCH more, but I didn’t even have time to feel sorry for myself in the process. I just had to jump in and make it.

    Life is sometime like that. With, or without, the plunger. Grrrr.

    • “karma minions” LOL!! That’s it exactly! I tried to talk myself out of it, but wasn’t overly successful. I finally resigned myself to it…oh, wait… I shut down by focusing on what I was doing. I didn’t focus on the fact it wasn’t working. I focused on the process with my whole body, how it felt, what I thought it should feel like if I was doing it properly, ignoring the pain in my back… then again, I also started searching what was really bothering me. πŸ™‚ I’ve learned that my temper tantrums are never about what I exploded over. What I exploded over is the safe target.

      • For me, it seems my temper tantrums invariably circle around a feeling of being in an uncontrollable situation. I am NOT fond of being put in a reactionary position, versus a position of navigating the boat, and yet, obviously, we are never the ones really driving the boat to begin with; therefore, it appears my challenge is learning how to accept, and even embrace (?), the concept of letting go. Not so easy. Nope.

        • Definitely not easy. And there seems to be no lack of opportunities to practice. ;-D

  3. I agree with ntexas “that simply having the thought, β€œI’m tired and want to go to bed early” seems to bring on disaster. More than a temper tantrum is probably the frustration of all the other things that we are already carrying and then you get the one straw that breaks the camel’s back. Plumbing and computers going wrong are so infuriating when they go wrong that temper tantrums should be allowed πŸ˜‰ at least it gets it off our system. Looking forward to part 2 πŸ™‚

    • Oh! Yes! Computer problems! Tears are almost guaranteed. At least I can laugh about it, now. πŸ˜€

  4. I know the camel’s nemesis, the back breaking proverbial ‘straw’, all to well. It’s what either brings me to my weakest point, or causes me to grow 10 feet tall in adverse situations. It changes faces, regularly πŸ™‚ Sometimes it’s there to bring our awareness to what the REAL problem is. It opens our eyes…sometimes in the MIDDLE of the temper tantrum.

    There are good changes ahead for you, Judy!! Count on it πŸ™‚

    • Thank you, lifebegins45!


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