Posted by: Judy | June 18, 2012

Ladyhawk…

As Ladyhawk, I interacted with people all over the world. It was amazing.

Being Ladyhawk also presented a bit of a dilemma for me. I liked Ladyhawk better.

I wanted to be Ladyhawk.

God is merciful and kind.

It occurred to me: Why not?

So I went about exploring Ladyhawk and learning to become like her.

What I discovered: Ladyhawk was my true self. By disguising her as Ladyhawk, I was protecting her until I was strong enough to stand for myself.

As Ladyhawk, I traveled to visit other LOTR friends I’d met online. I participate in LOTR events, including reading aloud at libraries, conferences, special weekends. I traveled to Los Angeles, Florida, Texas, and Kentucky. Everyone knew me as Ladyhawk, and Ladyhawk was me.

These were the first people to know me — me the writer.

They didn’t know the person who lived in fear, who lived a flat life, struggling one day to the next.

They saw the potential. I needed to live up to the potential. I began to see I wasn’t nearly as weak as I’d always believed myself to be.


Responses

  1. Living in a “Fun” house you become accustomed to seeing the distorted images, until the distortions seem more real than our real selves.

    • Great way of explaining the insanity of interacting with a narcissist.

  2. I loved Ladyhawk, the movie, so much that my younger daughter wearied of it and hid the dvd. 🙂 You are living up to your potential Judy/Ladyhawk and will yet soar to greater heights.

    • I wore out my VHS copy and my record. The first DVD i bought was Ladyhawke, and I was thrilled when I found the CD and bought it. Thank you, Beth. I really want to soar. 🙂

      • Amen to that fellow Ladyhawk lover. Wonderful movie, great source of inspiration. A soaring hawk is also the main image I associate with my writing. You’ve probably noted it on my blog. So go girl! Fly to the heights!

        • 😀

  3. As a regular reader of yours, it’s hard for me to not see what a lovely person you are. But I totally get not feeling like you were seen and accepted by some of those who should have. Thank goodness there’s a big world out there and we don’t have to stay stuck in the world of small-minded people. 🙂

    • It’s interesting to watch the contrast between those who know me without the influence of the narcs and those who don’t. Yes, indeed, there is a whole world of amazing people out there, and I’m grateful to know quite a few. 🙂


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