Posted by: Judy | June 13, 2012

Ladyhawk changed me…

As Ladyhawk Baggins, I could be whoever I wanted to be.

Who did I want to be?

Ladyhawk was willing to take risks, and yet she was strangled by fears.

People like my writing.



I started chatting with different people on the various threads of conversations.

All these people knew nothing about me, except what I told them. I endeavored to be as honest as I knew how. I revered the truth, but hadn’t yet realized how much of my life was a lie. I did the best I could. I pushed to try harder.

Game Changer: One of the people on the board lived close to me, and we decided to meet. I’d created an email account as Ladyhawk Baggins. My safe account.

Our first outing was meeting at a theater and watching Fellowship of the Rings together. What an incredible experience to attend an event with someone who loved the whole experience as much as I did. I didn’t have to tone down my responses. We laughed at the same places. We cried in the same places. We jumped in the same places. She was a lot younger than me, and we didn’t have a whole lot in common, but we both loved the movies, and it was delightful being able to share that enthusiasm without being shushed or subjected to eye rolls.

I was allowed to be myself.


  1. I think it’s so great when we find someone we can relax around, and just be ourselves. It must have been nerve-wracking at first, meeting someone you had only known through internet chat, (brave!!!), but when we begin to explore new directions, it can often be a little bit frightening, and a little bit thrilling and exciting at the same time.

    I’ve enjoyed reading about how you found this little pocket of space (on the internet) where you could slowly begin to build your confidence, and your voice. It is reminding me of my own journey when I first discovered blogging about ten or twelve years ago. In all of those years, though, I’ve never actually met (in person) anyone I’ve known through blogging. You’re the brave one. Good for you!

    • I’ve only been blogging a couple years now, and haven’t met any of my blogging friends. So far, I’ve only met my LOTR friends. I haven’t regretted a single one. I hope to meet some of my blogging friends eventually. Of course, here in the blogs it’s sharing the painful stuff, while LOTR was sharing the fun stuff, though we shared painful stuff, too. Hadn’t thought of it that way before.

  2. You are an amazing you. I am so proud of you. Hugs. 🙂

    • Thanks ((Ruth)) 😉

  3. “I didn’t have to tone down my responses.” That sentence leapt out at me and resonated.

    • Yes.

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