How many times was I told to forgive and forget? I lost count.
When I told my counselor about a particularly unpleasant memory, I was so relieved. Then I began to forget. What a blessing! At least, it’s what I expected. But it wasn’t.
You see, I began to doubt it had happened. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I’d painted it. Maybe I had made it up.
I began to fight for the memories. I needed to remember it was as awful as I remembered. I didn’t make it up.
Here’s the difference: I came to realize that I used to remember in an attempt to hold the other person accountable. Now, I hold onto the memory to be sure I remember why I know some of the lessons I do.
If I forget, how will I learn? How do I keep from making the same mistakes?
What I’m forgetting: The rage and bitterness. Mostly.
The Project: Me by Judy 
I learned the same thing. If I don’t remember then I am set up to have it happen again. I also am learning that when I have forgiven I am no longer afraid. I like not feeling the fear. I am still cautious and not trust someone but they no longer have power over me.
By: Ruth on March 16, 2012
at 7:13 am
Thanks for bringing up the trust aspect, how it’s not interchangeable with the rest but an issue all its own.
By: Judy on March 17, 2012
at 7:37 am
I still have some memories like that … they were once so crystal clear, and sometimes they would cut through my memories so deep that I could feel the sting of every moment … and then, over time, I begun wondering if I remembered them at all, or if I had fabricated them over time. Now I just trust that the memories will either focus sharply, or fade away, but the memories that live inside my head were real, and what I do with them is up to me.
By: ntexas99 on March 16, 2012
at 11:51 pm
I think that’s the key: “…what I do with them is up to me.” I can’t change what happened, but I can change how I allow what happened to me affect me, i.e., I can continue in the unhealthy behaviors I was taught, or I can learn and practice new healthy behaviors.
By: Judy on March 17, 2012
at 7:40 am