Posted by: Judy | March 2, 2012

Chapter 10 review…

Grieving isn’t easy, but it doesn’t need to be wholly unpleasant. It’s an opportunity to reflect, consider, re-evaluate.

There is no time limit.

You can make it through, and revisit at a later date, when something triggers not simply a memory but the emotions involved with the memory.

My counselor promised me I would mourn every time something triggered my realization that I’d never be loved unconditionally as a child deserves to be loved by their parents. It’s actually a relief to know it’s perfectly normal for me to grieve from time to time, over something I’ll never be able to change, and it’s okay.

Interestingly enough, giving myself permission to grieve has reduced my need to grieve.

When I do grieve it is nothing like I did in the past, because now it isn’t riddled with guilt or shame or the sense of I shouldn’t be doing it because it’s over and I’ve moved on. My past is a part of me, and occasionally grieving it doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. It means I’m willing to embrace who I am wholly and completely, all that I am, past and present, because it’s all going with me into the future, if nothing else as a memory.

Grieving is a blessing, and a necessary tool in my toolbox to becoming healthy.


Responses

  1. Thank you. This is beautifully written and very timely for me. πŸ™‚

    • You’re welcome. πŸ™‚

  2. I agree Judy, first comes love or the lack of it, a deep sense of loss, then grief, rage and finally acceptance achieved through courage. Then from impossible tension something harmonious is born.

    Your post today helped me understand why I love and have such an affinity with animals. It’s the bond and unconditional love. πŸ™‚

    Molly

    • Yes, Molly, I really miss that unconditional love from my furry children… well, from my dog it was unconditional. The horse, not so much, but he was a distrustful soul himself. We did understand each other. πŸ™‚

  3. Yes Judy, I have grieved the same thing, the lack of unconditional love. And sometimes the strangest things can trigger that mourning for me, but I allow myself to feel it, and then it is gone. Good for you moving beyond the shame and guilt. Grieving is not the same as dwelling, and I agree, it is very healthy. Great post!

    • Thanks, rootstoblossom. Interestingly enough, this realization came as I wrote the post.

  4. I especially liked this:

    “Interestingly enough, giving myself permission to grieve has reduced my need to grieve.”

    I think I’m almost getting to the same place in my quest for “normal”. Giving up the idea of fitting into the normal category has actually allowed me to become more normal, if that makes sense?

    • Yes, it does. It’s an idea that still kind of surprises me when I think about it. It wasn’t what I expected.


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