Posted by: Judy | February 27, 2012

Chapter 10

As I prepared this chapter for posting, I realized I really am ready to move onto this chapter. Grieving is a tough concept, especially when society frowns on it. Yes, it does.

Everyone is expected to grieve at certain times, and expected to move on after a short time. If you think I’m being melodramatic, how often have you heard this:

“Get over it.”

“Move on.”

“Let it go.”

“Put on a happy face.”

“Smile, and the world smiles with you. Cry, and you cry alone.”

Do you know someone who wallows in the past, and you wish they would step into the present?

Me, too. Sometimes, it’s me.

I know people who are stuck firmly in denial, as in stuck in concrete, will not move, will not open their eyes to the truth. No amount of trying to help them see the truth will convince them to open their eyes.

I don’t know how this is going to work out, but I’ve decided to allow them to stay there. It doesn’t mean I need to stay with them. God has promised to bless those who mourn with those who mourn. You can’t mourn with them, if they refuse, so I’m going to allow them to stay where they are, but I can’t stay with them anymore.

Hopefully, choosing to throw myself into taking my next steps, I’ll be able to support and encourage others like me, those fighting to accept self, and willing to explore opportunities to make difference choices.

This past week has been tough. I’ve been stuck. Oh.

I’ve been mourning. I have to make a major change to a manuscript near and dear to my heart. I woke this morning with the way to do it, without compromising the story. At the same time, I worked through some other problems. I’ve wanted to change the way I look, but finally came to a realization that there are some things I need to change on the inside before I tackle the outside. Taking care of myself changes the outside, and that will continue, but it’s with the clear goal to change me on the inside.

So here’s to mourning, as long as it takes, accepting it with grace for the quiet beauty it is. Mourning embraces love and loss, tying them in an inseparable bond, not of chains but intertwined with care, blended. I lost so much to cruelty and ugliness, but how would I know if I didn’t also understand the concepts of love and beauty? It speaks well of me that I am able to embrace what is good, in spite of what I was taught with brutal thoroughness.

Mourning isn’t a bad thing. It’s a vital tool in every healthy persons toolbox of how to live life to the fullest.


  1. Mourning is definitely a healthy thing, and, as you said, it can go on for too long, but the person grieving is the only one who knows when it is time to turn away from mourning (you said that, too!).

    I am rejoicing with you! Gd bless you in every step you take.

    • Thanks ((Mary)) Bless you for being one of those willing to mourn with me.

  2. Mourning I suspect like all things it is why you are doing it that can determine how healthy it is. I have met people in perpetual mourning because the attention it brings them. They are addicted to being comforted. Sometimes mourning takes so long because there is so much to mourn where there is great loss. Lot to think about in this chapter.

    • It’s like those who are perpetually “sick,” in order to gain attention, but it’s also a diversion from the truth, from reaching for what is really needed. Chapter 9 comes to mind. You have to stop lying, before you can address the truth.

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