Posted by: Judy | December 16, 2011

Chapter 6 review

Saying “No,” still isn’t easy. I don’t think it ever will be, but at least now I’m moving into the realm of having normal, healthy problems. I’m still slow to saying “yes” to things I want to do, waiting to be sure I understand what I’m letting myself in for and will be able to follow through.

There are still moments when I allow myself to celebrate saying, “no,” but now there are also more and more moments when I celebrate saying, “yes.” What it took me a long time to understand, and with which I still struggle, is the realization that in order to truly enjoy this tool, I have to accept personal responsibility.

As an abuse victim, it was my fault according to my abuser and it wasn’t my fault according to people who are healthy. I found myself caught in a tug-of-war. It was a difficult battle learning to recognize what I actually was responsible for and what I really wasn’t. There’s been a lot of sliding back and forth across the line. Old habits kick in, or I simply didn’t understand the situation.

I’m baffled by those who claim that the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do. Ummm… NO. I’ve done a lot of things I regret and would change if I could. But I can’t. So, I learn from the experience and work hard to make different choices.

I must admit that my choices are improving. There are many times when I question my own sanity, but I am accepting responsibility for the fact that I’m unsure and still trying to make healthy choices. It’s terrifying, and exciting.

I always loved the saying, “What part of NO don’t you understand? The N or the O?” Funny, as I quoted it, I didn’t even realize that the question was for me. I’m learning.


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