Posted by: Judy | November 8, 2011

Inappropriate response?

Should I be laughing gleefully that I outsmarted the narc?

My job is done at home, in my room, at my computer. I have no privacy. My parents feel like they can walk in anytime. I have managed to train them to knock first, but they knock and open the door, without waiting for an answer from me. It’s unnerving. I have to remind myself that in their eyes I am extension of them. To them, this means I have no boundaries, and commenting on everything and anything I say, do, or feel is to be expected.

I eat lunch about the same time, 11:00, every day, without fail. Last week, I changed up my schedule, without telling anyone. Fifteen minutes before I was due to make my lunch, on my old schedule, I was informed that the kitchen floor was being cleaned and off limits for quite some time. Fine. Really. Not the expected response.

I know, I know: I’m making too much of the insanity I live in. If you only knew. There are plenty of times when I wonder if I’m making too much of something, and then I’m reminded of that other time the same thing happened, oh, and that time and that time and that time and all those other times. What people without narcs in their life don’t grasp is that this isn’t a single event or even an occasional event. This is situation normal. Not healthy. Normal.

Keeping note of the situation like this is not to point the finger at them and scream that they’re crazy and feeling out of control so they have to control me. Those on the outside will jump to that conclusion, I know. The truth is that I keep note of these situations to remind myself that I am not insane. I am not crazy. I am not making this up. I am not trying to make life difficult. It isn’t me, despite being told all my life that everything is my fault. Taking note of the games played with me as the target is to help me recognize when a game is being played and allows me to opt out. It helps me make a different choice than the one the narcs want to give me. It helps me recognize that I am learning healthy boundaries and behaviors despite what I was taught, and I am exercising those new-found skills.


Responses

  1. If I have a computer that is cuasing a lot of little problems, I track every one so I can see the pattern. It is the pattern of people living that you can see where the glitches are and perhaps be able to anticipate the next fail. Watching them do a double take becuase you don’t follow their script is fun too.

    • 😀


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