Posted by: Judy | November 3, 2011

Narcissist insanity making…

Lately, it’s come to my attention the little things that set me up to fail. And I’m angry. Really angry.

I was punished, over and over and over because I was such a slow learner, for leaving cupboard doors open, for leaving drawers open, for leaving doors to the stairs and storage room and other rooms open. I was scolded, belittled, screamed at, and general made to know in no uncertain terms that I was bad for not doing something so simple as closing any door or drawer.

These last few weeks, I’ve noticed how often doors, drawers, and cupboards are left open, and most assuredly not by me. I have watched my NM open a cupboard or drawer, and walk away without closing it, again and again and again.

Now, frankly, I don’t really care. I mean, their house, their rules, whether they choose to follow those rules themselves or not is not my concern. They can do what they want. So why am I angry?

How many of those times was I punished for what NM had done?

Like the time my NM had confided in someone that I let things boil over on the stove and never cleaned up after myself. The person complaining about the state of the stove recognized crumbs from the salmon patties they’d eaten that morning, and sauce from the spaghetti they’d had the day before. Here’s the kicker: I hadn’t cooked in over a week, and then it had been a grilled-cheese sandwich, and the week before had been some syrup, that did not boil over.

How many people believe the filthy house is my fault?

“It’s so sad… I worked so hard to teach her what I know about cleaning… and everyone knows that I know about cleaning… I’ve taught workshops on it… but she doesn’t clean up after herself… yes, I need your pity for all I have to endure, because of her…”

Yep. I’m furious… and I need a different choice… I’m not feeling the humor right now, but I think with time, it will come. I hope so. Best Yoda voice: “Do or do not. There is no try.” On the right path.


Responses

  1. I can think of several things to do, none of which are legal. πŸ™‚ This must be the week of it. Ah yes, coming on to the holidays. At least Halloween is honest with it werewolves and vampires. Openly scary is easier to do than, “we should all be Thankful on thanksgiving” in their sweetest voice after they screamed at you for not doing exactly what they wanted but they didn’t tell you. Yup, its the holidays. Let the Narc fest begin. Ugh.

    • LOL!!! Thank you for the laugh! It is the only way to make it through the coming holiday! I’d never make it alone. Thanks for being there ((Ruth))

      • That goes both ways. πŸ™‚

  2. Being criticized for someone else’s faults – how could you NOT be angry? Thank you for sharing – so many of us have been through this “crazy-making” during childhood while trying to make sense of the world. Is it a wonder (at least for me) that although an adult, sometimes the world continues NOT to make logical sense to me?

    • The world doesn’t always make sense, then add in the nonsense we grew up with, and it’s a recipe for disaster. What’s encouraging and amazing is that so many of us somehow recognized the insanity and decided not to buy into it. Being on a truth campaign is difficult, but it’s a whole lot easier when others are willing to share in the journey. Thanks ((Mary Ann))


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